Stress, Anxiety, and Opinions about Work

Getting stressed out is a very real thing. I remember in high school we would use that term whenever we studied for a test, but wanted a break. "I am too stressed out to do this right now." I would stop, watch some Mystery Science Theater 3000 or read part of a book and replenish my brain. These days, however, my stressed out level is allowed to get way too high to be brought down by simply doing something I like for a little while.  No matter what your job, family life, or views on politics are, stress is all around you. Controversy makes good TV, but for some people, that is a major stressor. Stress triggers are close to impossible to escape anymore. I myself get stressed at work whenever something happens that is out of my control. I feel that it is my fault if something goes wrong on my watch, whether it actually was or not. I fall into panic mode. If it is something I can fix, I drop everything to do it before anyone else can find out it went wrong. If it isn't something I can fix, I feel sick, get the weird panicky feeling, and an internal monolog starts telling me how stupid I was for letting it happen.  Yes, that is more than stress. That is anxiety. My anxiety is triggered by stress, the stress of things I can and can't control. Work is a big red button on my anxiety that sets my amygdala into overload. Days after whatever it was happens, I still feel the stress from it. This means that my stress triggers overlap each other. A lot. I start out feeling stressed, move to feeling horrible about feeling stress, and end up dreaming of horrible things happening that my dream tells me I deserve. Watching some TV or playing a game with my hubby, while I know it is relaxing and fun, just don't seem to make me feel better anymore. These days, to escape my stress and anxiety, I have to reach out for professional help.  I am actually anxious about getting professional help. I don't want to be crazy. Logically, I know I am not crazy just because I can't cure my anxiety all by myself. But the stigma is still there.